Andrew Thorp
A: All you gotta do is steal cats and dogs, Jay, and you never have to work again.
B: Stealing is illegal.
A: Not when the animal is roaming around wildly.
B: When is that going to happen?
A: That is the magic, you see; you have to know when and where animals are going to get loose.
B: And what?
A: And you grab the little fuckers and wait.
B: Wait for what?
A: Until the cat's owner puts out a reward posting.
B: You mean like the ones on a telephone pole?
A: Exactly.
B: And that happens?
A: Sure does. And if it doesn't, you do a Craig'slist posting and try to hurry up the deal. These things don't feed themselves.
B: And you make money doing that?
A: Do you see me working?
B: No.
A: I don't like the fact that you aren't taking me seriously, Jay. I haven't told anyone about my business but you and you are laughing at me.
B: It's not a business, Tony.
A: The hell it isn't! Just because it is something you never heard of doesn't mean that it ain't. Plenty of people were entrepreneuring ideas that no one thought would make it. Look at DaVinci.
B: DaVinci was an artist, Tony.
A: And he was a homosexual, too. And that, back then, was illegal. He kept doing his art and inventions while still being a criminal.
B: But you are stealing pets.
A: If I didn't grab the little fuckers, who's to say they wouldn'ta run out in the street and got smashed?
B: Odds are they would have went back home after they ran around a bit.
A: So you not only bash my inventiveness, but you can read the future now, too?
B: No, I am just saying odds are.
A: And all I am saying is that 'odds are' you are jealous that I am making a decent enough living from a business that I invented.
B: And what happens if they don't want them back?
A: I try to sell 'em.
B: And what happens when no one wants 'em?
A: I free them just like the way I found 'em.
B: You just put them outside in the cold or whatever.
A: I will put them back in their original vicinity. Most of the time. What's with all the questions?
B: How many cats do you think you had a hand in killing?
A: I run a legit business! No hold the goddamned camera still!
(Tony gets a cat from a box after putting on a mask.)
Hi Youtube community. My name is Tony and I live in Ravenswood. I recently found this beautiful cat that so desperately wants to returned to whomever his or her owner is. As you can tell, I have not studied the genitalia of this beautiful creature as a token of respect to it's rightful owner. If you or someone you know is the owner, respond to this video by leaving a comment with your name and number. I am accepting a reward of no less than a hundred dollars for the time, money, and energy I have put forth in the care of this little guy. And I have cancer. Isn't that right, Cutey? I look forward to hearing from you. Cut. Shut the damn thing off; I will edit it later.
B: Cancer, really?
