Sega Dad
Andrew Thorp
9/27/09

BILL

Bomb the bastards. That’s what I would do.

ED

It’s a game where you fight penguins, Dad. There aren’t any bombs.

BILL

Well, maybe that’s why you’re losing.

ED

The point is to save your fish babies from the Penguins. Fish don’t have bombs.

BILL

I guess that’s why we are at the top of the food chain and they swim in their own poop.

ED

You don’t play video games right. They are supposed to be fun.

BILL

Having to protect your babies from predators is one of the least fun things I can think of, son. Whoever made that game is barking up the wrong tree if they think that's fun.

ED

It’s just a game.

BILL

Until people die.

ED

People don’t die in the game, Dad. Penguins do. And fish babies. It’s not real.

BILL

People die, son. People die every day. It just depends on how you die that natters.

ED

(to door)

Mom, Dad is going Afghanistan again.

MOM (offstage)

Leave him alone , Bill!

BILL

Me for instance, I die, you and your mom cry; not so bad. But, if someone comes in here, rips you out of your bed, molests you and cuts off your fingers and toes before they kill you, a lot more people would be sad. That’s because you are younger and less deserving of such an act.

ED

Mom!

MOM (Offstage)

Bill!

ED

You think somebody could get in here?

BILL

People can do all kinds of stuff, Eddy. I’ve seen it happen.

ED

Even kids with their toes cut off?

BILL

Toes, legs, tinkle twigs, you name it.

ED

But why?

BILL

There’s a lot of crazies out there son. I don’t know.

ED

Oh.

BILL

Well, enjoy saving your baby fishies, Son.

ED

Dad, can you turn on the light?

BILL

Sure thing.

Bob leaves and Eddy tries to get comfortable in his own room. As he starts to get comfortable and concentrate on his game, Bob bursts in, pretending to be a killer.

ED

Ahhh! I hate you Dad.

BILL

What? It was just a game.

A Crazy masked killer appears in the window.

ED/BILL

Ahhh!

MOM

(taking off mask)

Bill, I told you to leave him alone.

(Lights.)