American
Andrew Thorp
TIM
Look at him there, just talking like he owns the place.
JIMMY
It's a bar, TIM. Why do you hate the guy so much?
TIM
Well, I don't know Jimmy, maybe it's his stupid accent, or his smarmy attitude, or maybe that he is English.
JIMMY
Do you have a thing against the English?
TIM
Hell yeah I do. Don't look, he is looking. Cubs, huh? Another shitty season. Dick. He better look away.
JIMMY
You really hate that guy.
TIM
It was only two hundred and something years ago that these assholes were trying to take over our land.
JIMMY
Loves Park?
TIM
No, the United States. Coming in here with their red coats and high taxes. I mean, who in the hell do they think they are!
JIMMY
Now he is looking.
TIM
I don't even care. (in a crappy accent) Oh, I think I will make a kettle of potato chips won't I?
JIMMY
Are you making fun of his accent?
TIM
They always end their sentences with questions like that. "Aren't they. Isn't she". It's like they have no self-confidence.
JIMMY
Okay. Now he is staring. Can we make this a normal night, please?
TIM
Well, we won the goddamned war and that's all that matters.
A small man with a sharp purple jacket approaches JIMMY and TIM
POMP
Hello, Gentlemen.
JIMMY and TIM
Hi.
POMP
As I was enjoying a Shirley Temple at the tavern counter afar, I noticed a look of unpleasantries upon me from this very table.
JIMMY
What?
TIM
He is saying we were giving him dirty looks.
POMP
I assure you sirs, I have no ill will towards either of you. I simply joined you in hopes of passifying any future situations that may be less than exemplary.
JIMMY
Sounds good to me.
TIM
When you put it that way, I agree completely.
POMP
I am delighted that we have come to an understanding! Barkeep, please fetch a beverage for these two lads. On my tab! If you will excuse, I must reacquaint myself with those lovely ladies. Cheers.
TIM/JIMMY
Cheers!
Pomp exits
JIMMY
Now, that wasn't so bad was it?
TIM
Now you are ending your sentences with a question. Those slimy bastards.
Lights
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