Does this work as a cigarette commerical?

COPS 2

Andrew Thorp

August 23^rd, 2009

version 3

CAST

Tim - Chicago Cop

Joe - Chicago Cop

Billy - Little Boy

BOB - Chicago Lieutenant

Neighbor Bill - Loud neighbor

(Lights up on a bare room. Tim, Joe and Billy enter. Tim and Joe smoke. If filmed, Billy is the camera and the others speak to it.)

Tim

And this is where your mother was murdered. Hard to take in, I am sure. Want a New King?

(Tim offers Billy a New King cigarette. Billy (camera) shakes no.)

Joe

It’s not much to look at right now, but you can imagine the horrid events that took place as you take in the blood splatter and skull chunks on the wall over there.

TIM

The whole shebang.

Joe

The whole bloody shebang. She was a fighter though, Billy. No doubt about it.

Tim

No doubt about it, your mother was a fighter. Her knuckles were all busted up and some of her fingernails were missing.

Joe

Definitely gave the guy a good, “Who’s your Mother”.

Tim

I will smoke a smooth New King to that.

Joe

Me too. You know these have less tar than the original New King?

Tim

I did not know that. New King?

(He offers Billy another cigarette. Billy shakes no.)

Tim (Cont'd)

If it were me, I would have picked another boy's mom to stalk, tie up, throw in the back of a trunk, and eventually slowly mutilate; that's for sure.

Joe

Wouldn’t a’ laid a finger on your mom.

Tim

Not a finger. Not like this guy did anyway. If you look over here, you can see a big hole in the wall towards the bottom. This is where we speculate your ma gave the perp a swift one to the good and plenty’s.

Joe

That’s just a speculation though. Some theories believe that he threw her against the wall before the big Slicey Mish Mash party to the Noodle.

TIM

Damn, Joe, now you got the kid all teary-eyed with that 'Mish Mash party' talk.

Joe

Sorry, kid. If it makes you feel any better, she went real quick, no doubt about it.

Tim

No pain, Billy, I promise. Real quick. And smooth. Like a New King.

(Bob enters looking at a report)

Bob

Report just in boys, our victim died real slow and felt the whole Slicey Mish Mash party to the-.

Joe

-C’mon , Bob. We got the kid with us.

Bob

Ah, damn, sorry guys. Sorry kid, fuck. She probably didn’t feel a thing.

Joe

Not a thing.

Tim

Real quick, Billy.

Bob

The blood-curdling screams the neighbors heard were probably just birds or something.

JOE

Damn pigeons. Always with their blood-curdling chirp-screams.

(Neighbor Bill can be heard offstage from a window stage right.)

NEIGHBOR BILL

Hi, it's me the neighbor who heard everything. I can hear everything you guys are saying due to our windows being so close together. And it was definitely a lady's voice I heard.

TIM

Okay, thanks.

NEIGHBOR BILL

And she was definitely screaming.

BOB

We got it.

NEIGHBOR BILL

And it was definitely blood curdling.

JOE

Okay! We got it! We got the kid here, sir!

NEIGHBOR BILL

Glad to help guys. If it's any consolation, the lady seemed like a real hoochie momma, if you know what I mean. Always had guys over-

JOE

-I said we got the kid here!

NEIGHBOR BILL

Oh sorry. Real good lady, she was. Real nice. See ya.

Bob

Hells bells. Did anybody offer the kid a New King?

(Bob, Tim, and Joe all reach for their packs and offer Billy a New King.)

V.O.

New Kings; there when you need it. New Kings; now with less tar than the original New Kings.

(Lights)