Gym Memberships and You!

Membership

Andrew Thorp

8/22/2009

Version 2

(Aaron guides Barry on stage.)

Aaron

And this is the locker room. As you can see, we offer a state-of-the-art steam room and sauna.

(Naked men with towels hiding their genital pass by)

Naked Man #1

Hey Aaron

AARON

Hi guys! Do you see yourself using the sauna or Steam room facilities to reach your goals?

Barry

I don’t know. Like I said, I still have a couple of other places to look.

Aaron

Super great. Why don’t we take a seat here for a second.

BARRY

I have to be going. My kid is-.

AARON

-Barry, it seems to me that you appreciate all that X-Factor Fitness has to offer.

(JOE enters and lifts his leg on the bench and begins to dry himself.)

Barry

Sure.

Aaron

But, I am sensing that something is keeping you from investing one hundred percent in reaching your goals.

(DAVE enters and stands next to Barry and begins to take off his clothes. Dave and Joe change very close to one another. Barry is slightly disturbed)

Barry

The truth is, I just don’t want to commit to a club when I haven’t seen all of the options. Can we talk about this upstairs?

Aaron

No one would want to make a decision without seeing all of the options first. In fact, they would be stupid not to. But, you trust me, right?

Barry

Sure.

Aaron

Super Great, Barry, because one of the requirements of my job is to review our competition to see what they have to offer and I can guarantee you, Barry, there isn’t a facility in town that has more state-of-the-art amenities at a lower price than X-Factor Fitness. Especially when you take in to consideration the discount we offer potential members on their first visit, which is today.

Barry

Like I said before, I can’t commit to anything today.

AARON

A-OK, Barry. I completely understand your concerns. In fact, we may be able to extend that initial visit special. Since I don’t have the authority to do it myself, let me check with my boss. Hey, Joe?

Joe

Yeah, Aaron?

AARON

This is Barry Whittington and he is a potential X-Factor Fitness member. Since he wants to check out other facilities, is there a chance that we can offer Barry an extension on the initial visit special?

Joe

What’s going on Barry? Can’t make the commitment to invest today?

BARRY

No, Joe, I can’t.

Joe

Let’s be honest, Barry, is it the price that is making you second guess your decision to reach your goals?

BARRY

Like I said, I want to check out a couple of other places.

JOE

Is it the wife? She makes the money and runs the show?

BARRY

I want to check out other places.

JOE

Is it your weight, Barry? Is that why your wife hates you?

BARRY

I want to check out other places!

JOE

I completely understand your concerns, Barry, but did you know that one of the requirements of my job is to review-

BARRY

-The competition, I know. I am just going to review it myself, though, okay. That’s what I said I was going to do and that’s just what I am going to do guys. Sorry.

JOE

Super great.

Aaron

Super great.

Joe

Super great. I would love to offer you an extension on our initial visit special, but I do not have the authority to do that. Let me ask the regional manager. Dave?

DAVE

Yes, Joe?

JOE

This is Barry Whittington. He is interested in becoming an X-Factor Fitness member and wants to check out other facilities. Is it possible to extend his initial visit special?

DAVE

Nice to meet you, Barry. Did Aaron tell you about the State-of-the-Art Sauna and steam room?

BARRY

Yes.

DAVE

Did Joe call you fat?

BARRY

Yep

DAVE
And that your wife is cheating on you?

BARRY

Sure.

DAVE

We’ve done all we can do guys. Good day, Mr. Whittington.

BARRY

I can go?

DAVE

Absolutely. Tell Joan to make you a complimentary smoothie on your way out.

(Dave playfully whips Joe with his towel.)

Joe

Hey.

BARRY

What about the initial visit special?

DAVE

You can use it any time.

BARRY

Really?

DAVE

That’s just something we say to get you to sign up as soon as possible.

BARRY

So I can check out Planet Gym and come back any time?

DAVE

Check out Fitness Mania too. They have nice facilities at a great price.

BARRY

I like your honesty. I want to be a member.

DAVE

Aaron, will you help Barry with the paperwork upstairs?

AARON

Sure thing

(AARON and BARRY exit)

JOE

I don't know how you do it, Dave, but it works every time.

DAVE

You'll learn some day, kid. Just stick by me. Would you like to have sex in the state-of-the-art Steam room?

JOE

Sure thing.

(Slow motion High Five and light out.)